Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Barbie Dolls for the Dallas Market

Barbie Dolls for the Dallas market

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Dallas market:

" Highland Par k Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Northpark. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a McMansion on Beverly Drive. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

" Plano Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.
Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

" Oak Cliff Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable
bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

" Frisco Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also
available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.

" Mesquite Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud
light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's
butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag
bumper sticker absolutely free.

" Grand Prairi e Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Southside
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

" Lower Greenville Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Point Breeze Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

" East Dallas Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

" Oak Lawn Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
McKinney Barbie 
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way. 
We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in 
Japan on business. McKinney Barbie aspires to become Plano Barbie. Not cheap but still very naive.
West Dallas Barbie 
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired 
temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This 
is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a 
meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. 
Green cards are not yet available for West Dallas Barbie or Ken. 
Available at Carnival or Fiesta Stores only. 


South Dallas Barbie 
This barbie also goes by the name of "Crackhead or Clucker" 
She does not come with a house because she is mostly walking the 
streets. But she does come with a set of gold or platinum teeth. She 
also comes with 6 kids but Ken is not the father of neither one of them.